Signs that you are ghetto … and a waste of my time

This might just make you hate me or love me. Or it’ll give you a laugh. Or at most think and re-evalute your behavior. These are the signs that you are just plain “ghetto”, a waste of time, and all that is wrong within the black community.

  • You have cell phone, a blackberry, that hot pair of sneakers, a cool Sean John or Rocawear outfit but you hold up the commute (and working folks) because you don’t have money to pay bus fare. So much for priority.
  • The volume of your voice on a crowded MTA bus, as measured on sound meter, exceeds your IQ level.
  • You think being pregnant is a “rite of passage” or a badge of honor.
  • You’ve got kids. You have to get a babysitter not because you have a job interview, or some emergency but because you want to go clubbing with the “girls”.
  • You’ve got the Sean John shades. You’re “bling-blinging” with the platinum, and the rocks. You’ve got the cool clothing and shoes. Yet for some reason you can’t seem to conjugate a proper sentence, and your “English” is intelligible.
  • You are a member of the Blood or the Crips or some other shitty gang organization and you tell yourself that you are part of something great. To bad mommy didn’t use her right to “choose”, and now the rest of the world have to put up with your crap.
  • You own a Scarface T-shirt or DVD/VHS, and you think that Tony Montana was soooo great. First of all, Tony Montana was fictional character. Secondly, with all the money and power that he had, that didn’t stop him from dying a cheap, violent death. Great role model, stupid.
  • You actually believe that you’ll be the next best thing on the rap scene, the NBA or the dance hall. It has been done before. And as Duncan Macleod of the Highlander said … “there can only be one ….(50 cent, Eminem, etc.)”. Get a book and put something in your head.
  • You and your idiot friends use the public library as another hangout joint. Hey junior, it is place where folks go to read and learn something. You might need to look into that, and it just might ease you from blaming you future woes on the “white man”.
  • You’ve actually asked another fellow black person, that dressed and talked differently than you, if they were a “cop” or a “fed”. Of course, you wouldn’t need to know this bit of information if you were actually a LAW-ABIDDING citizen. And yet you wonder why other folks don’t trust us.
  • For some reason, you feel the need to smash glass bottles on perfectly clean streets.
  • You’re only nice and courteous to your “brothas” or “sistas” when you want to hit them up for some money. Yeah, what’s it this time: you just came out of jail, your baby needs formula, you need a meal, or you couldn’t catch cash checking in time? Funny how all those seem to equate to a can of malt liquor. Whatever, “brother”.
  • You refer to your self and other as “niggas”. Yes, that’s right … I’m sure that’s what Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers and Malcom X put their lives on the line for. So that we can “sanitize” the word “nigger”. Not that it has anything to do with record sales and overpriced designer clothing.
  • You can sing scores of lyrics of some of the most pathetic excuses for music. Yet you can’t memorize or balance one chemical equation that fit in ONE line. How pathetic is that.
  • You think it is “cute” to spout profanity-laced lyrics of your favorite “rap” within earshot of unsuspecting decent folks. Here’s a memo point: you’re not going to make it in the rap industry, but get acquainted with the phrase “Fries with that, sir”. And enunciate with a smile.
  • You actually believe that becoming an intellectual or educated is “being white”. As if “being black” is marinating in ignorance and being a stress on society. What kind of wasted sperm came up with this notion?
  • You’ve got the 50″ HD flatscreen TV, you drive around in modified Novas with rims that cost more than the car itself, you have the newest style of overpriced, overhyped footwear,you have the last portable electronic gadgets yet you live in “low income” housing and can’t find $200 to buy a phoenics DVD or CD for your kids. Like I said, some priority.
  • You call yourself a “playa” and talk about the “game”, when in fact it is basically the same old same old. Yeah, don’t hate the player, hate the game. What game is this, o fervent jackass?
  • You talk about the next level and yet you seem to be in the gutters. Lovely.
  • You’re on Maury asking a ton of men “who’s my baby father” and then when you find that the baby’s not yours, you (the guys) leap as if you won the lottery. Just a note: your eagerness to escape the responsibilities of fatherhood despite the fact that you were quite willing to do the deed says a lot about you and it is a sad commentary on your life. My pity goes out to the women that are foolish enough to be with you. And ladies, let’s face it we’re not in the 1940s or living under a rock. Get with the program.

So now you know. Don’t waste my time … and my tax dollars. And yes, I do work and pay taxes.


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